He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
