So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
