I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
