Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
