they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She needs sedatives and a leash
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
