long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
sex in a hospital.. check
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
