kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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