Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
