Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
