Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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