the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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