I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You dont lie about slip and slides
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
