Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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