I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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