My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
