I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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