Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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