i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
soo... how was my night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
