Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
