three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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