I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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