Jerry, you need to find god
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
