I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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