birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
