So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
