Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
