i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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