Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blood and glitter go together right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
