And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
