This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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