Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
