wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
