she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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