Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
