i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
