So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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