and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
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