some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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