can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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