I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
