I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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