hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
