So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
