did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize