There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
