Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
