Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my poor anus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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