the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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