i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
