We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize