You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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