Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
