Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
