i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
