she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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