he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
