this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
