: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
