I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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