Porn is love you can see.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
