AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
even my farts smell like vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
