My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
