therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
