don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
