Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
