her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
