Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
