the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
