Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sex in a hospital.. check
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
