I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
