I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
