I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
