So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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