One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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