Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
