the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
