The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize