i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
