I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
did i just pee glitter
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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