Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
