And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
