We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
