party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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