so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
