I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
