I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
