My room smells like vodka and shame
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
