Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
